Rise and shine, early birds, Gossip Clerk here. They say what happens in chambers stays in chambers. But we all know that’s no way to conduct government with transparency. So sit back and enjoy this hawt goss guilt-free.
Everyone’s got their Samuel story. Though it’s hard to know where fact ends and fiction begins. Some of us live by metaphor and parable. One of my favorites is the story of the sage and student. After a summer storm, they walk through town, stretching their legs. The sage maintains a steady silence and sense of purpose. The student follows, leaning in to observe more closely. They encounter a beautiful woman, dressed to the nines. She pauses at a crosswalk where a mud puddle blocks her path. Appearing rather chivalrous, the sage removes his own cloak and places it over the puddle. The sage extends a hand and offers to help her to the other side of the street. Some blocks later the student marvels at the sage. “O wise one?”
“What?”
“Do you not teach us to renounce all worldly desires, including the charm of beauty?”
“Sure.”
“Then why did you carry that beautiful woman across the street?”
“Why do you carry her with you still?”
Remind you of anyone? What we do know about Justice A is he simply can’t help himself. Rather than maintain the dignity and customary aloofness of his seat on the bench, A avails himself of the editorial page of a well-known-street journal. There he feels confident to lash out at the mob, defend himself, and appeal miserably to posterity. Ah, the sacrifices one makes to be the life of the party! Too thin-skinned for the job, A wrings his hands and laments, O what they write about me! Desirous of light, A weighs insults in shadow and scratches “vendetta” into the surface of his wooden writing desk with a pen knife.
Speaking of vendetta, word is A himself leaked the Dobbs opinion. But you knew that. Why else would he make such a hubbub about it? True, in one of his prima donna announcements in the press he confided he would never, ever, have leaked the opinion because it made himself a target of “assassins.”1 But if overturning decades of precedent to remove a constitutional right from half the population would make one the target of political violence, wouldn’t that happen regardless once the majority opinion becomes the decision of the Court?
Point of fact, my legal eagles, A’s trespassing into political fields seems much more likely to incite political violence against libs and LGBTQ+ folks than against justices on the take. And sure, one feels nauseated by comments from Gov. DeSantis about “slitting the throats” of bureaucrats but Gitmo Ron is actually running for elected office. By contrast, A was appointed for life and has no official need to publicize his toxic masculinity. A’s crocodile tears strike one as defensive and ineffective, like the perilously thin shell of the Route 66 armadillo.
Truth be told, it’s a little precious that A thinks Congress lacks the authority to legislate regarding the Supreme Court. It’s like your toddler’s belief you have no power to punish them even though you have done so before and this time they’ve been very naughty. It’s even cuter to share it in WSJ; that way, future litigants already know how A will rule on the issue should it ever be presented to the Supremes. Money well spent, Leo.
A’s “stunning” (read: inappropriate) behavior looks even worse when the multi-indicted Donald uses his own social media platform to invite the Supremes to step in to prevent the DOJ from prosecuting him. Perhaps we can’t blame A for the sins of the Donald. Perhaps. But we can take issue with these end-runs around democratic governance. And whom else is to blame for that but Leo and his money-grubbing rung-climbers? Who, sadly (and/or fittingly) are lawyers just like you and me.
And while A may please the Court and fool himself, posterity may not be fooled so easily:
The light of history is pitiless; it has a strange and divine quality that, luminous as it is, and precisely because it is luminous, often casts a shadow just where we saw a radiance; out of the same man it makes two different phantoms, and the one attacks and punishes the other, the darkness of the despot struggles with the splendor of the captain. Hence a truer measure in the final judgment of the nations. Babylon violated diminishes Alexander; Rome enslaved diminishes Caesar; massacred Jerusalem diminishes Titus. Tyranny follows the tyrant. Woe to the man who leaves behind a shadow of his form.2
But don’t take VH’s word for it. Observe for yourself. And don’t forget to send me the deets, cuz I smell a scandal.
Bye for now Pacific Northwesterners. You know you love me.
XOXO, Gossip Clerk.
1 It reminds me of an attorney — this is true — who counseled, if your position is not supported by facts, law, or logic, simply repeat yourself until your words accumulate sufficient weight to change the gravity of your opponent’s mind. Something to consider when you find opposing counsel repeating themselves unduly.
2 Victor Hugo, Les Misérables, unabridged and unnecessary translation by Fahnestock and Macafee of Wilbour’s excellent translation (NY: Signet 1987).
