When “I will” was suggested as the theme for June, it reminded me that most New Year’s resolutions have long since been lost by now. Why doesn’t WILL power always work? Willpower often pushes us to do something we feel we have to do and perhaps would rather not. Can you change that to a pull to something you actually want? Is there something you are struggling to have, do or be? Check your why. What is your motivation? When you are, do or have what you want, how will your life be different? What will you gain and what will you be able to eliminate?
We learned the elements of effective goal setting in the ‘80s with the adoption of the acronym SMART. That is, a goal must be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. I have had success with this method. But goals are not the only way of achieving personal change.
The problem with “I will” is that it is in the future tense. Our subconscious mind lives in the present tense. If you want to change, that is to be, do or have something, first you need to envision it clearly. Think about why you want it. Write down what it is you want specifically. Try writing it as an affirmation.
When I was in law school, as one of two women in my law class, after the first year I was fairly confident I would graduate. What I was not confident about was passing the bar. I knew some very smart men who had tried and failed multiple times. I had heard about affirmations so I made one, “I will pass the Washington State bar.” I pictured myself in the exam room, surrounded by men and writing the exam. I got a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach from the picture but I faithfully said the statement at least twice a day. I flunked the bar exam by a few points.
I revisited what makes a successful affirmation and found why mine didn’t work. A successful affirmation needs five “p’s.” It is a positive statement, in the first person, present tense, which evokes a pleasant picture in your mind. My new affirmation was “I am now a member of the Washington State Bar” and I pictured myself at the Superior Court repeating the oath of attorney, while seeing my parents out of the corner of my eye, looking proud. Saying that affirmation twice a day gave me a pleasant feeling. When I studied for the bar the first time, I spent most of the time worrying, rather than absorbing the material. With my new affirmation, I was calm and focused. I passed and went on to teach at the winter bar review course, “How to pass the bar exam.” I had credibility with the audience because I had done both.
It’s called an affirmation because you are writing what you want. Take weight loss for example, it’s probably the most common New Year’s resolution which usually goes bad within six weeks. Instead of thinking about “losing” weight or fat, think about the body you want. Describe it to yourself. Do you want to look buff, slim, glamorous, healthy, strong, attractive, graceful, classy, sturdy, chic, chiseled, gallant or sexy? Write “I am now” and pick two or three words that would describe the person you want to be. Once you have your description, ask yourself what you will feel like when you are the person in your description? Say your affirmation at least two times a day with feeling and see the pleasant picture.
Ask yourself, is this an affirmation I can commit to? The problem with most resolutions is that as soon as the commitment fails a few times, the commitment is over. Recommitment is the key. Gay Hendrickson, author of The Genius Zone (2021), says “I’m a cheerleader for the act of recommitment.” His advice is to loosen the punishing habit and use recommitment as an “opportunity to love yourself for all your flaws, foibles, and failings.” By avoiding the costly and time-
consuming trap of self-blame you free up energy to recommit to your desire.
Your affirmation may be about something you want to be, do or have. Everyone has longings and discontents. Honoring them helps us to grow as a person. We may have been taught to be grateful for what we have and not to want more. But gratitude does not require stagnation. In fact, gratitude can be the start of attracting more of what you want.
Most of us have heard of the “law of attraction.” A book called The Secret has sold over 30 million copies since published in 2006. On page 4 you learn, “The secret is the law of attraction.” The law of attraction, is no secret and has been written about for centuries. The law of attraction is not magic in fact it’s found in science.
The science of metacognition, that is awareness and understanding of one’s own thought processes, helps us to understand what has been called the law of attraction in terms of our mental focus. According to the National Science Foundation the average person has between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those thoughts 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts from the day before; that is, paradigms. We are floating in an ocean of thought energy.
Metacognition shows us how our brain delivers to us what we focus on. Neurology calls it the Reticular Activating System (RAS). That is bundle of nerves which sits in our brainstem. The RAS is able to control what stimulus, that is what information, that we are receiving by sight, hearing, touch, etc. The RAS filters what information gets through and what does not. It sifts through the data and presents only the pieces that are important to you. All of this happens without you noticing, of course.
So long as you have the affirmation and the pleasant picture in your mind, you don’t have to know “how” you will get it, only the “what.” You can find the “how” by using your RAS. When you revisit your vision, ideas will come seemingly out of nowhere, but actually you have attracted the ideas through your RAS by giving your attention to your vision.
Your affirmation helps you with your motivation. Make reading it a habit by staking it with another habit, such as before or after you brush your teeth. In 2015, psychologists Brian Galla and Angela Duckworth published a paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, finding across six studies and more than 2,000 participants that people who are good at self-control also tend to have good habits — like exercising regularly, eating healthy, sleeping well, and studying.
Daily repetition of your affirmation is a recommitment that will lead you to the next essential step, action. What is the one step you can take with what you have from where you are to create your affirmation? As Nelson Mandela said, “Action without a vision is only passing time. Vision without action is merely day dreaming, but vision with action can change the World.” Use the power of affirmation, recommitment and action to change your world.
Justice Faith Ireland (Ret.) is a Life Empowerment Coach. She can be reached at 206.383.2478 and faith@faith-ireland.com.
