“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”
— philosopher William James
The glorious Pacific Northwest summer is in full swing, and people are out and about. I hope you are getting a chance to be outside and enjoy events and gatherings, taking an occasional break from the day-to-day grind.
One break I take every day is when I play The New York Times’ “Connections” puzzle. If you haven’t played Connections, I highly recommend it. Wordle is great, but at least some of the outcome of that game is a matter of random chance. Connections is not random — although it looks that way at first blush, appearing to be just a haphazard collection of 16 words. Some of the more obvious connections quickly become apparent, and after the application of elastic thinking and creative inquiry, all the words are revealed to be linked to three others by concepts* that often seem obvious in retrospect.
When we stop to look around at our professional and personal social circles, a similar process can occur. Many of the categorical connections are obvious: co-workers, family, former classmates, churches and community centers, schools, professional associations, and the like. But then we can find other links that aren’t always so obvious: a shared hobby or interest, an inspirational figure, family heritage, “a friend of a friend of a friend,” a type of pet (I’m a terrier gal), a prior job or career (I once worked in an industrial print shop and loved using the huge machine that cuts a ream of paper in one go), and so many more.
But forming social connections, unlike playing the NYT game, is more than merely categorical. It is a human interaction where each person is listening to, valuing, and at least trying to understand the other person without passing judgment.
Uncovering categorical connections and forming human connections is not only fun, it is also important to building community and strengthening our social bonds in an era where some seem determined to highlight divisions and “otherize” people to gain economic, political, or social power. This is not to discount the serious differences people may have on policy, culture, and the like. I do not minimize or discount the very real differences people experience. We naturally gravitate to the like-minded people who form the basis of our family and friend groups. And we all encounter people with whom we simply will not connect on a deeper level than civility.
Difference is not inherently negative, it can be the lifeblood of creativity, inspiration, and positive change. But recognizing difference is not the same as emphasizing categorical, reductive differences in an effort to dehumanize or discount people as unworthy of consideration or fair treatment.
Believe it or not, both the Centers for Disease Control and the National Institutes of Health have web pages devoted to the importance of social connection. They emphasize the health benefits of such connection, and they aren’t just mental. There are physical benefits as well, including reducing the risk of chronic illnesses such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and stroke. Some studies reflect that social isolation can be more harmful to health than obesity and smoking.
And there are benefits to fostering these ties beyond personal and social. The law, regardless of what type of law you practice, cannot be practiced alone. The law is only made manifest by groups of people working to address a dispute or issue. Opposing counsel, judges, support staff, transactional parties, legislators, academics, and countless more form the legal community and drive legal outcomes. And although various members of this community are often placed in adversarial relationships with each other, it’s important to remember that this adversity doesn’t necessarily have to carry over to our social interactions.
There are many ways to uncover the categorical connections between us. You have already taken one step by joining the KCBA community. And if you are a member of a section or committee, you have taken another. Social media, for all its faults, is a good tool for seeking out these ties. Peoples’ professional biographical pages are a great source for learning their interests and histories.
In addition to finding interesting and unexpected categorical commonalities, there are other ways of forming human and social connection. Some are old-fashioned, some are new-fangled. You can send a little handwritten note to someone you met. You can ask for a connection on social media. You can reach out to someone and ask to have coffee or a chat. You can ask for a Zoom or Teams meeting to chat about a common interest. You can go to events and meetings and just talk to folks. Even just a kind smile or a wave can be a powerful acknowledgement of someone else’s humanity.
If you’re worried you won’t have enough to say, don’t let that stop you. People love being asked about themselves, and I don’t mean that in a narcissistic sense. It’s just that we are all subject matter experts on ourselves, which makes the conversation that much easier. And you’ll often uncover even more threads of connection and commonality.
Sometimes, when life, work, events, and challenges seem overwhelming, it’s good to step back and focus on simple truths, like the power and respite to be found in community and connection.
Have a great summer as long as the fine weather lasts. Hopefully, I’ll be able to take my own advice and connect with you sometime soon.
* Sometimes those puzzle makers at the NYT get a little too cute.
