Fun is attractive. Think about it. We’re much more likely to want to join a group of people having fun, smiling and laughing than to talk to some grim-looking person gesturing to an invisible someone at the other end of their Bluetooth connection.
It is true that the competitive, driven lawyer is the image of success for many people. However, too much pressure and a dearth of downtime can cause a person to feel compelled to blow off steam when the opportunity presents itself.
Blowing off steam by having too much fun is common. The excitement and energy of that lifestyle can seem irresistible, but the costs in health, missed opportunities and relationship problems only get more excessive with time.
Not long ago, some friends and I stayed at an oceanfront condo. We got up early every day to walk the beach, watched the rain come down and enjoyed dinner out in the evenings. We probably ate too many desserts over long conversations.
As we prepared to leave the condo, we were reading the guest book out loud before writing our entry. The note before ours was succinct: “We are stressed out lawyers. We didn’t see the beach but we had fun at the bars. Was it sunny?”
It’s a pattern I’ve seen for many years as a therapist. One doesn’t have to be a lawyer to get caught up in it. Over the years, I’ve had clients who were physicians, business executives — successful, driven people whose commitment to their work was single-minded, leaving little time for anything else.
It was as though the work itself had become their best friend, and if they stepped back from it, they might lose part of their identity. But once a year, maybe twice, vacation offers an opportunity to let off steam, and they let loose with the same intensity that they applied to their work.
The result: too much fun, and sometimes a great vacation ruined. Fun becomes un-fun. Of course, to the folks around them, they stopped being funny after the first round of drinks, which is often how they ended up in my office.
Everyone has heard this before, but the key is balance. Don’t put off relaxing until you don’t have any work to do. It’ll never happen. Take walks, even if it is just to go around the block, whenever you get the chance, and turn off the phone while you walk.
Go out of town for a long weekend every couple of months. It isn’t important where you go, so long as you take time to enjoy your life and your loved ones. It might be a golf weekend or just sitting by the ocean watching the rain.
Drink moderately — make sure you see more than the bars or the inside of the casino. Plan some unstructured time, including long blocks of time when you turn your cell phone off and do no work of any kind. At least once a month go out to dinner and a concert or movie. If you have kids, make a point of including them by doing something you all enjoy.
If all this is too hard, give the Washington State Bar Association’s Lawyers Assistance Program (LAP) a call. We offer services to help you learn how to let go of the stress and enjoy life more. We will be offering a time-limited group in the fall: “Stress Management and Balance for Lawyers.” Join us. Become one of those people whose joy in their life is charismatic.
LAP offers confidential mental health and chemical dependency counseling services for Washington judges, lawyers and third-year law students. The LAP was established to prevent or alleviate problems before they jeopardize an individual’s ability to practice law.
LAP offers confidential (APR 19) counseling services for mental/emotional, drug, alcohol, family, health and other personal problems. Services include assessment, referral, short-term or long-term counseling, follow-up and training.
LAP’s professional staff is qualified to identify, assess, treat and refer impaired lawyers. The extended staff includes LAP-trained peer counselors — lawyers who are available to support their colleagues through difficult times. Information: 800-945-WSBA(9722), ext. 8268.
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Abby K. Smith, MA, LMHC, is a therapist with the WSBA Lawyers Assistance Program.
