Last week after dinner, I sat with my daughter and helped her with her Hebrew. As she haltingly sounded out those unfamiliar shapes on the page, “sha-bat, a-tah, kee-pah,” we sat next to a lovely, glowing candle and I imagined this scene repeated thousands of times stretching back across centuries. The kitchen seemed bathed in grace and I just can’t imagine how I could have loved my child any more. I was deeply grateful for that moment.

Gratitude is an experience which often eludes us. Our training and experience encourage caution, prudence and rationality. Yet recent studies have reinforced the notion that an active sense of gratitude promotes personal well-being. Martin Seligman, the “godfather” of positive psychology and past president of the American Psychological Association, contends that gratitude is essential for happiness. He calls this a character strength# and describes it as, “Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.”

Seligman’s research has found that the five character strengths most tied to overall happiness are curiosity, zest, gratitude, hope and love. So finding a way to deepen our experience of gratitude may be a smart thing for us to do.

During a six-month training I participated in earlier this year, Seligman suggested two activities as avenues toward gratitude. The first was the “gratitude visit.” The prescription was to sit down and think of someone in your life who has provided a special gift -- an act of kindness, a mentoring relationship, an inspiration, for example. We were to sit down and write a letter to that person describing the kindness they had bestowed and how it affected our lives. We were then to go to that person and read the letter to them.

The transformative power of that experience really rocked the participants in the program, as we came together to describe our experiences. Over and again, people recounted the positive feelings that enveloped them. These feelings were not connected to the reaction of the object of their gratitude, but were independent of this external factor. The acknowledgment and expression of gratitude is, itself, the activity that brings pleasure.

The second suggestion was dubbed the “three blessings exercise.” Seligman expressed some wariness with the use of the term “blessings” as it may turn some people off, so he also called it the “three good things exercise.” In any event, the assignment was for each person, just before retiring for the night, to write down three blessings or good things that had occurred during that day. We were then to simply answer this question for each: Why did this good thing happen?

In considering this exercise, I realized how seldom I consciously explored my experience for the good moments. I tended to take many for granted, mistakenly relegating them to the “too small to be significant” file. During those frequent days when the tension or conflict of the practice created particular stress, my internal filter would be acute. Only the unpleasant experiences would sift through and implant themselves on my awareness. Yet by the effort of purposefully attending to the blessings, both great and small (especially the small), my reflection on my day’s experience clearly shifted. A week’s worth of such reflection, just before retiring for the night, unquestionably lifted my mood after a few days’ practice.

So why is it so hard for us to actively acknowledge and express gratitude for life’s blessings? Is it perhaps because it makes us vulnerable to disappointment? Could this be just one more aspect of being “touchy-feely,” an anathema to lawyers?

Well, luckily, it’s that time of year again -- America’s Gratitude Holiday. For at least once, during the entire year, we are given a holiday in which we can immerse ourselves in gratitude. Our family has spent the past nine Thanksgivings with our dearest friends who, happily, embrace the spirit of gratitude. (While it’s easy for me to express my joy in their company, I still have difficulty being grateful for the year everyone but me decided to have take-out Chinese for Thanksgiving. The horror!)

It will be a time to savor the smaller blessings that enrich life -- like the recent Sunday morning walks my sweetheart and I have taken around Green Lake; the lovely sound of my kid’s laugh when we watch old “Seinfeld” reruns; the way our golden’s tail waves like a flag when he prances out to begin his walks up the block; the deepening collegial bonds with some wonderful family lawyers around town; the luck of having a funny, generous and resilient mother-in-law; the luxury of having a group of clients I genuinely care for.

This year on November 24, I’m going to make a point of telling every individual around the table one thing I appreciate about them, one way their presence in my life has enriched me. It may be sappy, but I guarantee that I’ll feel like floating away from the dinner table, regardless of how many helpings I’ve had. It works every year.

So, have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and may the realization of your blessings bring peace and joy to your home.